Work it, make it, do it, makes us harder, better, faster, stronger!

Lately, several people have told me how strong they think I am.

I have a lot of irrational fears. I've never thought of myself as brave or even strong. I often have to calm my racing heart and I have to sometimes talk myself through simple little acts because of how terrified/nervous I am.

I suppose its all about "feeling the fear and doing it anyway!"

Side Note:

Work is going really well. I start taking my own tables tomorrow. I'm only suppose to start doing this after 5 shifts but I've only had 3 training shifts. Go me!

But the snow melts and the rhythm still goes on.

There is something poetic about being alone on a cold winters night.
There is something about winter that makes me crave comfort, familiarity.

I finally have my life in order so why don't I feel like I'm in control?

I shouldn't complain. This is what I wanted after all. The things I do to myself to try and keep my sanity. I just wish there was some way of combining the best of both worlds. Or should I say the best of both provinces. I feel like I took about 5 steps back this past week. I'm at the finish line in some ways, back to square one in others.

I make it sound all bad but it really isn't. I'm just impatient I suppose.

When winter falls,
I’ll be holding on to anything nailed down.
As for being patient,
With fate and all it's getting old.
And my mind is slowly changing.

I’m calling all my oldest friends,
Saying sorry for this mess we’re in.
And I’m waiting, waiting,
For the sun to come and melt this snow,
Wash away the pain and give me back control.

This town is dry and I ain't talking about oil or booze.

I've got a place to live.
I've got a job.
but now I'm lonely.

In a fight without a cause I am a wounded veteran.

I found a really nice place to live. Its completely out of the way but its pretty much perfect. I'm really lucky to have found something so last minute. I also got a serving job near where I live. I start Monday. It's going to be nice to have a routine again.

Its finally winter here. It came out of nowhere and it looks like its sticking around. I should have expected it. I mean, its almost December after all. I need to buy some boots and dig out my thermal underwear. Its looks like I'm going to be spending my first Christmas away from home. Gotta grow up sometime.

one of my favorite postsecrets.

I miss you like Jesus without a cross.

It finally snowed in Calgary.

I haven't mentioned this before but something happened with the apartment I was suppose to move into in December so now me and Adam (roomies name) are looking for somewhere else to live. I've come to realize that I hate apartment hunting. C-town has some pretty nice places to offer though. A little bit pricey but its a nice change from the -1% occupancy in Sudbury.

Do you know what I despise even more than aparment hunting? Job hunting. I really don't want to jinx it but I had a job interview today. It went really well and I should find out next week if I got the job. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

I don't really have much to update. Its the same shit really. I'm just anxious to get my life in order.

I wish I could have heard this song two months ago when it really applied to my life. Bayside knows best.


I swear I can't stand this place
and whats becoming of me
the longer I have to stay
I want to think all unthinkable things
and say what I shouldn't say
I need a change

With that said I'm leaving today
I've got some concrete ideas
and they've been paving my way towards all the
downtown's and urban decay
there's so much life to these bricks
so much buildings can say

A new experienced me
we'll be coming back on rusted limbs and bloody knees
A call to arms
From all the suburban soldiers who got no one to count on
Faceless and scarred
We don’t know where were going we forgot where we came from

I thought there was blood left in this stone
Turns out that I was wrong
I hope you find the place that feels like home
And a heighten sense of strength
And a stronger sense of self

A new experienced me
we'll be coming back on rusted limbs and bloody knees
A call to arms
From all the suburban soldiers who got no one to count on
Faceless and scarred
We don’t know where were going we forgot where we came from

I need me one of these:

jay oh bee

“The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.”

- Oscar Wilde

I still haven't found a job. I'm starting to lose hope and motivation. I've been everywhere and back. I've tried two temp agencies. I'm constantly on Craigs List and Kijiji sending out resumes. I just can't win. I have no money. I'm flap broke. Thats what happen when you live in a crazy expensive city for a whole month without an income. I went from working twelve hours almost everyday to not working at all. I need to get out there!

Other than that, everything is pretty rocking. The weather has been just absolutely beautiful. Last week we saw temperatures reach almost 20 degrees and today it was sunny and hot and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. Calgary is the perfect city for me based solely on the fact that its the sunniest city in Canada.